Only if you want to date insecure women.

Photo by Elle Hughes.

Countless “pickup artist”-style dating coaches laud the benefits of disrespecting women as a means to attract them. They advise negging (giving negative feedback) and treating women with indifference as a way to get laid.

The logic behind such advice is that by being mean you create a challenge for a woman. Like everything in life, no one wants to join the club that offers them membership. Women want to have to work to win a man’s heart.

I won’t say this isn’t partly true. Obviously, such tactics can be effective. If a man can see a woman’s faults without her…


There were benefits to waiting until our emotions cooled.

Photo by RODNAE Productions.

My ex-husband showed up the other day at my place to declare that the paperwork for our divorce had finally gone through. We were finally legally ex-husband and ex-wife. This was a cause to celebrate.

Why? We’d been living in a separate state for seven years.

Yes, that long.

It took us seven years to finalize our divorce. We’d split, gone our own ways — even moved into different residences. We’d found new lovers — developed new relationships with new partners.

Still, we were legally bound as husband and wife.

This purgatory lasted for seven years. That’s a ridiculously long…


This began with healing my relationship with my father.

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin.

The first time it struck me that my mother was gone was not when I watched her die in the hospital. Her death only sunk in when I returned to my parents’ house afterward.

My dad and I sat at the dinner table together to eat the pathetic meal of lukewarm burgers and soggy fries we’d picked up at a drive-thru on the way home. The open space at the table, the place where my mother had always sat, the sight of it filled me with loss.

That was her space — her empty chair. The realization washed over me…


But I’m lucky to have had the choice to pursue my passion.

Image by Voltamax.

“Blood!” Dr. Bradford exclaimed as he withdrew the cystoscope from my urethra. In case you don’t know what a cystoscope is, it’s a catheter-like instrument used to look inside the bladder to check for things like bladder cancer. I was having a cystoscopy done to test for just that. And that the doctor had just yelled “blood!” scared the hell out of me.

After he said this to the nurse in the examining room with us, he left. The way he left the room — he whooshed out of it. No, he didn’t stick around to calmly explain to me…


Does a wife commit less to her husband if she keeps her maiden name?

Photo by Louis.

“I’m demanding Alice take my last name,” my ex-husband remarked to me the other night while we were meeting to discuss our two children. Alice is his fiancée, the woman he’s planning on getting remarried to.

“I don’t think you ever really committed to me,” he added as his reasoning, “and that led to our divorce.”

Now, whatever choice Alice makes is up to her. She’s the one who wants to marry my ex-husband, and it appears that not taking his last name is a dealbreaker. I assume she will do as he says.

But where I really took pause…


Who owns the engagement ring after a divorce?

Photo by Korie Cull on Unsplash

“I’d like to take back the engagement ring I gave you,” my ex-husband said recently. Huh? Did he mean my engagement ring?

No, I didn’t wear the ring anymore. I kept it in a drawer in my bedroom dresser along with a lot of other things I spent very little time ever thinking about: costume jewelry from my partying twenties, old postcards purchased while traveling in far-off places, notebooks full of journal entries — from my college years.

I thought of my engagement ring along the same lines: it was a part of my history, but it wasn’t part of…


Whether you think it was right or wrong to kick the homeless out of the encampment they built around Echo Park Lake, the City of L.A. has cleaned up the recreation area to a standard of cleanliness I’ve never seen before.

Paddles boats on Echo Park Lake at sunset. Credit: author.

I visited Echo Park Lake the other evening. The grass was clear of any debris. Before the pandemic, there was often trash in the park. I saw no litter anywhere, no plastic bottles floating in the water, nor soda cans or food wrappers on the lawn.


I want him to be happy with someone new so he’ll be a better dad for our kids.

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

My ex-husband gets especially confused when the women he meets on dating apps tell him there just isn’t “chemistry” between them.

“What do they mean by that?” he asks.

I explain how chemistry is the way people connect on an intangible level. It’s something you can’t put your finger on.

Either you have a connection or you don’t. There’s no way to force it.

Clearly, I once had chemistry with my ex. Why else did we get married?

But we also got divorced.

One thing that drove us apart is my ex is too logical. He believes you can force…


And more news from In Vain Asylum.

Photo by Odonata Wellnesscenter.

Hi there, it’s me, Elle Silver! I wanted to let you know about my first collaboration with Your Tango with my article My Husband And I Tried To Have An Open Marriage. It Epically Failed.

Here’s a teaser:

In the beginning, I was ecstatic about having an open relationship. I could date other men and not have to lie about it. I felt incredibly relieved by this.

I remember making a date to meet with a man and telling my husband. He wasn’t even angry about it. This was awesome!

I met up with the guy and the date went…


If these men were black or brown, their fate would be different.

Trump supporters crowding the steps of the Capitol after displacing the police shield wall preventing access. By TapTheForwardAssist.

On March 16th, a white man named Robert Aaron Long went to three massage parlors in Atlanta, Georgia, and killed eight people, seven of whom were women. The police apprehended Long and on the morning of March 18th gave a press statement.

Captain Jay Baker, then spokesperson for the Cherokee Sheriff’s Office (who has since been removed from the case), said Long “understood the gravity of [his crime]. And he was pretty much fed up, had been kind of at the end of his rope, and yesterday was a really bad day for him, and this is what he did.”

Elle Silver

I’m whoever you want me to be. Support: ko-fi.com/ellesilver

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