I usually write really positive responses but there is just so much here that’s...yuck. But here we go.
First off, I commend you for writing about your shit. It’s something we all should do and maybe that will lead you to the place you need to go.
That said, you really need to reconsider your views of women. All this talk of “summoning up her slutty side” and abandonment of her “ladylike ways” so she can get you off is disturbing. I’d start there. Reevaluate your view of women. Why are you categorizing women as whores when they’re just experiencing the totally natural act of having sex with you?
That you see women who own their sexuality as sluts and those who don’t as ladylike is most probably getting in the way of your ability to actually desire closeness with a woman—at least in a sexual sense.
I would also look into your childhood. What happened to you and/or what did you learn from your parents that made you judge yourself so much that you judge women for the slightest “infraction.” Why is it so difficult for you to feel closeness that the second you do the most intimate thing you can with a woman, your dick literally gets soft?
And yet, even as I write this I see you’re young(ish). There’s no requirement to be in a relationship right now. There’s such an emphasis on finding “the one” in our society. Maybe you’re just not ready. Maybe you’re putting too much emphasis on getting into a serious relationship that the second you start building real intimacy with a woman, you feel the need to run in the opposite direction. Because you’re just not ready to settle down!
That’s perfectly valid. However, I would say ethics behoove you to discuss this with women before you go to bed with them. Explain that you have this issue where the second you start building real intimacy with a woman you get turned off.
Then they can make an educated decision about whether they just want a romp or if they want to move on to find someone who’s emotionally ready for a true connection.