Thanks for your comment, Rev. Sheri Heller, LCSW. I’m a fan of your work here on Medium. I completely understand that there are many men who respect women’s sexual boundaries. I’m involved in a relationship with one of those men.

I also respect a woman’s choice to go home with a guy with the confidence that she can negotiate boundaries in real-time while in bed with a man. Amber Rose is famous for saying that even if the condom is on and the guy and gal are ready to go, a woman can still call the whole thing off and there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, I’ve just made this rule for myself after having many bad experiences (some of which I note in this piece). I just don’t want the headache of having to negotiate sex with a stranger. If I’m not up for it, why muddy the water and sleep in the same house with a guy? I just don’t.

Should the onus be on me to make this decision? In a perfect world, ALL men would be respectful of a woman’s boundaries.

But we live in the world we live in. Some men aren’t. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to discern early on by their behavior if I believe they’ll respect my boundaries. The men who don’t are often those who are disrespectful from the get-go.

Former Playboy writer. Professional over-sharer. L.A.-based. More about me: my.bio/theformerlymrs Support: ko-fi.com/ellesilver

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store