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We Needed a Divorce Coach to Help Us Split Up Not a Marriage Therapist to Keep Us Together

I didn’t want to be coached on how to stay married to my husband but on how to leave him.

3 min readFeb 25, 2023

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Photo byKlaus Nielsen

My husband and I arrived at our appointment with our new marriage therapist, completely at odds. A few days before I’d told him I wanted a divorce. He responded by freaking out and booking an appointment with this therapist.

He wanted us to stay together. I wanted out of our marriage. My husband spent his days in bed, reading about conspiracy theories while I worked part-time, still trying to stay on top of my mothering duties.

We had two small children. I was done with this arrangement. I believed I’d fair better on my own.

It would be hell at first, for sure. I’d have to figure out how to still take care of our kids while covering all my expenses. But at least I wouldn’t have to worry about my husband anymore.

Anything sounded better than staying married to him at that point. He was a sinking ship and was dragging me and the kids down with him.

We argued constantly. No one was happy. Please — someone help us divorce!

What I really wanted was a coach to help me leave my marriage. This new marriage therapist was intent on trying to convince me why I should stay. When I explained to him how miserable I was, he told me I just needed to accept my husband.

Accept him? No! Help me get out of this mess!

Help me navigate our separation, our custody arrangement, the division of our assets. How did we tell the kids we were splitting up?

I needed a coach — a divorce coach. But I didn’t know they existed.

This was a decade ago. Today there is such a thing as a divorce coach, and they are becoming more and more popular as a way for people to get help to leave their marriages.

There are several reasons for the rise of divorce coaches. One is that divorce is less stigmatized than it used to be.

“As divorce rates increased, divorce has become normalized,” Yasmine Saad, a clinical psychologist and founder of Madison Park Psychological…

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Elle Silver
Elle Silver

Written by Elle Silver

"Skinny fat" writer on a journey to reclaim my health. I write personal essays about relationships, beauty, and the messy process of figuring it all out.

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